Friday, October 30, 2009

The Tales That Little Birds Can Tell

Just the other day, while I was sitting at my computer, I noticed that the room was feeling stuffy. So I leaned over and pulled the window sash up in order to let some fresh air in.

All at once, without warning, a tiny fluffball of a bird flew straight through the window. I think it might have been a canary. It fluttered around the room several times, perched on top of my computer, looked at me in a quizzical way, then opened its mouth and started singing. Well no, that isn't true, for I was aware that the bird was addressing me in plain English!

"Ahhh...the illustrious Fidelbogen if I am not mistaken!"

"You sound like you think flattery will get you somewhere," I rejoined with admirably quick-witted composure.

"Well, you never know. With humans it works like a charm most of the time!"

"Alas, too true! And verily you are no birdbrain, but a bird after my own blithe spirit!"

"Ahhh . . . now look who flatters! But it's all good, for I see you are a man who values plain speech. And to such a one, I will speak plainly!"

"Is that even so? Then come hither!" And at my beckoning, the bird took a short flight to perch upon my left shoulder.

With his beak to my ear, the bird whispered: "I arrive from Oregon, and I carry news of Kevin Driscoll!"

"Kevin Driscoll? That name is known to me. Do go on!"

"Well," said the bird, "we birds are like flies on the wall; we hear it all! And I know all the birds in Redmond and Deschutes county, and they tell me everything! Everything!"

"I say, you're quite the little feathered spymaster aren't you?"

"Ha! I won't take that for flattery since I know it is the simple truth! But look now, turn on your computer, open a text file, and I will keep you busier than you could ever imagine!"

I did as I was instructed. For the next half-hour I was typing away at blazing speed, and was all I could do to capture the superabundant wealth of what I was told—I can scarcely hope to convey the colorful idiom of its avian oratory, nor shall I burden the reader or myself in undertaking such a thing. When the bird had concluded his narrative, he spoke vaguely of returning, and before I could even thank him he disappeared out the open window as abruptly as he had arrived, leaving me to shake my head in wonder.

After setting my dictation in order, I ended with the following inventory of informative detail regarding Kevin Driscoll's case, which I proffer now with no additional prologue.


Kevin Driscoll was first arrested because Melissa Leahy-Rossow had bruises on her body. If it were not for those bruises, it is doubtful that Kevin would have been arrested at all, and it is doubtful he'd have suffered the hellish misadventures of the last ten months.

During the police interview the officers talked with “Dennis”— the man who had sex with Melissa in the hot tub on the night of 23 Jan 2009. Dennis told the police that he had seen bruises on Melissa in the hot tub, but the police omitted this detail from their report when they went to the judge in quest of a search and arrest warrant. Kevin Driscoll's attorney opined that no judge in the world would have issued the warrants if that information were known to him.

The police arrested Kevin, on 24 Jan 2009 at 11:30 AM, while he was walking out of his house in the company of his "ex" and her children. Reportedly, they both felt shocked by this. Kevin's "ex" made a remark along the line of "what the hell, who did you fuck?" and the police wrote in their report that it “sounded something like who did you rape?” Since that time, the prosecution has attempted to bring this item into court as if it were significantly evidentiary. Kevin's "ex" has gone on record repeatedly as to what she really said, but the prosecution persistently ignores this because it seemingly doesn't fit the scenario they wish to build.

Being in possession of a search warrant, the police naturally conducted a search of Kevin Driscoll's house. On their report, they frequently described in adverse terms the innocuous or commonplace items which they discovered. For example, a “syringe filled with unknown substance” was in fact a tube of tooth bleach clearly marked as such, and avowed to be such by Mr. Driscoll's "ex". The police also logged a “purple face mask” , which was in fact a dental mask belonging to Mr. Driscoll's "ex" (who is a dental assistant). And finally, they spoke in their report of a “big vibrator” which was reportedly a large back massager—and again, Mr. Driscoll's "ex" told them what it really was. But none of these corrections were entered on paper.

Kevin Driscoll was released from jail on Feb 8th. During a hearing, Kevin's attorney told the court that Kevin needed to return to work in order to stay financially solvent for his legal battles. Mike Dugan, the Deschutes county District Attorney, requested that Kevin's bail be raised from $382,000 to $500,000, averring that Kevin was "the worst threat this community has seen" or words to such effect. Eventually, the judge released Kevin on $50,000, on condition of house arrest and 3rd party release.

The responsibility for 3rd party release was taken on by Kevin's mother, a bank manager in Eugene, Oregon who quit her job of 15 years and moved to Redmond in order to live in the same house with Kevin, as is legally required for such an arrangement. Her house in Eugene has sat empty since February, and her life has been wrecked almost as badly as Kevin's has.

During Kevin's two weeks in jail, the police mailed a mass of legal reports and prosecutorial statements to his employer, the Federal Aviation Administration. As soon as Kevin got out of jail, the FAA put him on administrative leave without pay. After 30 days or so, the FAA decided that the scandal surrounding Kevin's name was upsettting too many employees, and that it was time for Kevin to "move on". But the immediate pretext for his dismissal was a minor discrepancy in a resume he had submitted years previously.

Since that time, Kevin Driscoll has been unemployed and on house arrest. For the privilege of being house-arrested, Mr. Driscoll has paid Deschutes county the sum of $84 per week, and his house will soon go into foreclosure. Mr. Driscoll can no longer make payments on his credit cards, and has been wondering where he and his mother are going to live in the not-too-distant future. He has also given up attending college, and his plans for medical school.

The amount of money spent on various fees has forced Kevin and his mother into bankruptcy. Meanwhile, the DA wants Kevin to "cop a plea", so it appears that forced bankruptcy is strongarm tactic which the prosecution has used to bend Kevin to its will and obtain an easy prosecution.

The prosecution has employed scumbag methods all along, as I am told. District Attorney Dugan, and his underling Jody "Shefong" Vaughan (who is personally prosecuting the case) have been trying to get Kevin back in jail—as opposed to house arrest. When Kevin and his attorney tried to get the house arrest lightened, Shefong apparently lied to the judge, telling him that Kevin has been out drinking in the bars at all hours. But when requested by the judge to produce her alleged witnesses, Shefong was unable to do so. As further evidence against Shefong, it seems that Kevin is on good terms with the woman who monitors his house arrest via the GPS tracking system. This woman tells Kevin that she has been asked by the prosecution team whether Kevin has violated house arrest, and that she has consistently told them “no, he is at home”. Shefong, however, has repeatedly insisted that Kevin is slipping out of his GPS ankle bracelet—a concept which Kevin reportedly finds outlandish.

I will end this installment here, and return later with more tales that were told to me by that wonderful, magical, amazing little bird. And some day, I must get ahold of Kevin Driscoll himself, and obtain his personal confirmation that the remarkable bird has given us an accurate narrative. ;)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Talking to birds now, eh, Fidelbogen?

I always suspected that you were slightly deranged.

Could you, perchance, arrange for some other forms of wildlife to give you a good daily update of the trial? - so that we can all keep an eye on things.

12:47 AM  
Anonymous Michael said...

Well I actually found fidel's "A bird told me" approach very good.

What we need now is someone establishing good contact to Deschutes courtroom mice, because I suppose no one really wants to hear the rest of the story being told by the fleas probably living in District Attorney Michael Dugan's beard...

7:15 AM  
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12:17 AM  

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